Our Third Act

Admittedly I am not young.. nor do I feel old.  I also can’t honestly say this is middle age anymore either, as I  have arrived at my 56th birthday.  I can’t imagine I  am getting another 56 of them.   112 years seems like a lot to ask, but I wouldn’t mind a good long life with travel, activities and friends that I enjoy.  It can be done, I have seen it done by  others I admire , and I will learn and I will write.  I am beginning my third and final act.  This is important and I don’t want to mess it up.

So I write, probably more for my own understanding of this phenomenon.   The next 30 years are all important, what do I want to say, how do I want to live, what have I left undone to date?  What is it I have left to accomplish or contribute?  I am sure we all have these thoughts from time to time, but they become louder over time.  Trust me.

I have read that we are currently living 30+ years longer than our great-grandparents did. That is a remarkable testament to advancements in medicine, self-care, shared information and technology.  We are healthier, longer than we have ever been, we are able to do more in our retirement that we  ever saw our elders experience. Our retirements are longer now. It is sometimes one-third of our life.   However many of us are not aware of what this does to our planning. I wonder what will we do with that time?  Will we make it matter enough?  What needs to be done now that our children are raised and we have downsized and/or retired?  What kind of life do you want to live?  It’s a lot to think about.

You might find it hard to believe, but aging has a lot to offer us.  I don’t take the benefits for granted.  It gave us experience, perspective, balance and knowledge, lessons learned and relearned. We know what we are good at, and what is a struggle.  We know the urgent little matters of the day-to-day are really filler for more meaningful exchanges.  Don’t fret the missing socks, muddy floors so much, and enjoy the laughter more.  We know stuff.

 Instead of thinking of this time of our lives as becoming limited, or a series of endings, I want to suggest it is a beginning, a loosening of your life around previous goals, try that hobby, learn that language, go zip lining.  Why not?  If not now.. when is it gonna happen? One benefit of being this age is we know ourselves so much better than when we were younger, we won’t settle for what we don’t want.  We actually know our preferences well and have more freedom now to pursue those things.   What have you been wishing for in the early morning hours?  What is unsaid, undone.. You know these answers.  Time to get busy.

I think about the responsibility as aging adults to show the next generation how it can be done.   They are most certainly watching carefully, things have shifted.  We have raised our children, stepchildren, now sometimes grandchildren and we are teaching them what 50 something looks like and what it might be like for them.  What potential will you show them?   Or will you quit trying?  (Hey Folks, It’s a little early to quit trying, I hear we have 30 more years! )  With a little effort, I bet it could be better than we ever imagined.  The early aging of our parents is not the way it has to be for us and not the way it has to be for our kids.  We can choose better.

Occasionally a somber reminder of mortality  shakes our foundation and reminds us that time is finite and we don’t know exactly how finite.  Sometimes there is no notice, no lingering illness, it’s just over.  If we are lucky we get those 30 years.. So let’s use them. This is the real deal, not a dress rehearsal, not a trial run and time is passing like flipping pages in a book.  Whoosh.  So skip the Brussel sprouts if you hate ’em, take that paint class, go for the swim.  No one is really looking at you so much.

I no longer feel obligated to attend candle parties and I don’t have to eat Brussel sprouts to be polite, I don’t feel obligated to go to an opera or a cubs game.  I get to choose and you get to choose. Magical.  In the same way we make careful choices about our money, we should make careful decisions about our time.  There is joy in this time, and lots of it.  These are our “life minutes” and I treasure them like gold, and whether you are 16 or 86 I hope you do the same.